Happy Halloween ! .

Happy Halloween .

Tonite . Being a homebody . Relaxation .

Although I wanted to go to the freakfest on Don Felipe .

But I need some me time .

I hope someone wins their tonite [wink].

Everybody have fun & bring some so candy atleast . lol.

From now on I will be one step ahead of you && that applies to && for everyone .

Madre picked me up early && she finally met Mr.Cain .

Next stop Westchester . Doctor with madre .

Saw my Hash Brown[going to work] & Skippy and Panera Bread .

Trader Joe`s . TJ Maxx . Homeeee . Finally .

Beau .

4:44pm . In the car . I-pod . On my way to. .
Beverly Hills County Club .
Gala Affair .
Six o'clock .
Book signing .
Hill Harper from CSI Miami .
Insider scoop .
Coming Soon .

[Rodeo Drive]

Just A Moment .

today .

idc & idgaf mood .

new approach .

something new .

silence . a killer .

now on . i think i wont speak anymore . better off that way anyway .

iL0VEbeing a LONER .

now, I have a new hiding spot . I hope no one find out where it is .

recieved a message . but i'll no longer be the messenger . don't kill the messenger .

-No words . No expression .

No Expression .

Heart to Heart .

Needed ? Possibly .

But, how should I approach this .

Or Do I just leave it allow ?

Weight it out .

Only Seven More Months .

Bitting My Tongue .

Pretty Good For Two Years Now .

For wayyyyy toooo longggg now.

Okay . your happy =] .

&& that's wonderful .

&& i'm absolutely happy for you

Oh did you know ? or Oh did I tell you ?

No I didnt know & No you didnt tell me .

&& I rather not have to hear you tell me, especially when i'm not in the mood .

But what about me?

I know that sound selfish .

You don't see me walking around here happy .

Shit . WTF . I wasnt born with good looks .

I have nothing to flaunt or beggar about .

When? Just When?
Will it come throw or be clear that . . .

"None so deaf as he who will not listen"

-Anonymous .

The Journey .

10:44am

&&

I just made it home from school .

&& this is the only part

iL0VEaboutmy

SENi0RYEAR .

Yesterday, I don't .
I mean I can't really explain this .
It's complicated .
But I woke this morning
&& come to reality .
i'm not going to hold on to something . . .
that's not worth holding on to
& probably was really never worth holding on to, to begin with .
Here is where i'll close this chapter in my book .
Thing will be different & on a new level .

Anyways . . .

So I have a new friend .

Stop . Rewind . Flashback .

Ever since I have begin attending City Honors High School .

I've known of him but never talked to him .

I 'd always see him around .

Now junior year almost everytime I had to walk home after school ,

we'd see each other all the time just walking in opposite directions .

Facebook . Summer `08 . We became friends .

We exchanged aims.

&& we'd talked a few times here and there .

Friday . October 17th. Culver City VS Inglewood Football Game .

After the game . This was the very first time we met each .

face to face .

up close & personal .

I waved hi .

He walks over and says hi .

&& he gives me a hug .

Last Night . The beginning .

We actually on the terms of getting to know each other .

Babystep . First !

he's name is [?] I won't state his name . Guess Who?

A senior .

Attends Inglewood High .

Plays football for Inglewood & its the caption .

Black & Mexican[blackxian] .

&& yes speak spanish very fluent .

Aries .

One of the quietest guys i'm learning to know .

Friendly .

Laidback .

Easygoing .

& we both share this one thing in common . . .

we havent done but everyone else has done it already .

- - Amour .

Chick-0-Dee .

school spirit . naw dawg .
college day . naw dawg . let me get accepted to a college 1st with a 4 year scholarship 1st.
2nd period . all seniors report to the mpr room . Berekely . i didnt go . i make my own rules
those berekely college student look like and acted like there since in high school .
4th period[went to class late] .

hahahahahahaha.

sweet revenge .

its about good damn time .

dora && boots .

you know how you'll like to be in everybody shit .

ha . now the table have turned .

cold sore is all . . .

up & down,

back & forth ,

crisscross applesauce ,

sitting sideways .

all up in your shit .

say hello to the bad guy .

your new very own new and approved made just for you school nanny .

ifuxkinggLOVEiT.

Lunch .

Word of the day : Shalimar .

What the shalimar?

Do your Shalimar !

The Shalimar .

Oh my Shalimar .

Everyone stand for the Shalimar . Put your right hand over the Shalimar . Ready . Shalimar .

It's funny how [people] actually think i'm really listening . I'm not .

&& when I dont say anything it usually means . . .

I DON'T GiVE A FUCK .

why tell me about it when

i cant do this or go there or have this .

i'll always be the one lefted out in the storm .

Someone is feeling themselves just a litttle bit tooo much .

Take your millie && bring it down to a negative 0.25 .

Vote NO on Prop BITCHASSNESS

-Zina .

Species .

Last Night .

[October 26, 2008] .

Aim . I read a certain away message to be exact .

My Words: Wow . Ha . Okay .

Cry . No . Not this time . Its not worth it .

Hurt . No . But then again, all the better . I've learned to grow .

He's all talk with no actions .

I could careless if I was ever to see him again .
I have built up this wall but he's to dumb to realize .
I no longer want anything to do with him because I think he just sees my a toy or even a game he can just play with until farther notice when I feel thing have changed.
Don't ask me what wrong . You know what really wrong. You are what wrong with me .

PS. CHOW ON A DRY ASS [BISCUIT] YOU MARK ASS TRAMP ASS BITCH ASS NIGGA .

Get By . Talib Kweli .

Agenda .
thank for the ride chris to academic tutoring .
3rd for health the whole class walked to subway .
lunch now there really want any purpose of being there .
Inglewood is dry as fxck .
made it home 1:o7pm && not even a second , I get to work .

knocked out damn near all my homework . i'm on a roll[kay.]

scholarships and college applications[mission all this week] .

SAT & ACT . Study . Study . Study . Immediately .

-Until Next Time .

Clearing My Mind .

Sunday .
Church .
The sermon .
Spoke to meee .
Lesson learned .
One . Love god .
Two . Love your neighbor .
Three . Love yourself .
We have to love ourself . Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself about 50 times "I love you" no matter where you are or where you go . Love yourself first .

headed to san pedro .

cousin matthew & I read my blogs .

Movies at rolling[kay] hill plaza

I didnt pay to see eagle eye but i saw a good 30 mins of it & damn that movie is very interest .

I havent been to the movies seen november of 2007 on thanksgiving and the movie i saw was this christmas . Today I saw the movie Max Payne . I give this movie a B+ .

Mark Walberg is sexxxxy .

Cousin Matthew said he could see with a white man . lol .

Next barnes & noble in del amo .

I freaking love bookstores another one of my enjoyments .

Relaxing & learning something new .

- - Mediate .

Home body .

Saturday .

Nada special .

Stayed home the majority of the day .

New shutters for the house . Finally .

Had the funniest phone conversation with my cousin matthew .

from sex to parties to relationships to being drunk .

Cousin Matthew: I want to see what your like when your drunk[no like that to take advantage of you]

Me: [laughing.]

Cousin Matthew: We have to get you liquid`ed up .

Me: [laughing]

Cousin Matthew: But we have to spend the night a Michael house[my other cousin] && do all of this .

Me: Top Secret .

Cousin Matthew: [laughing] . . .

Day . Just Chill . & take care of 1st priority . school .

- -the key .

Tee.Gee.I.F

By far, theee best day of my week .
why can't everyday be like this for me .
topic of the day: youtube video .

but . the best part . after school .

[B]ee[B]ee & I power walk . you know our usual routine .

&& we both notice somthing tht grab our attention

[B]ee [B]ee: He look like my baby daddy .

Me: [just smiling a laughing .]

A few mins later .

Me: Girl , I think that was him .

[B]ee[B]ee: Omg he's BOMB .

Home. I just had to do my research . && yes . ladies & gentleman it was him . =] .

Amen . lol .

&& I'm so happy i'm not going to universal studios tonight . something is bound to happen . I feel it .

- - Smooches .

I Cry . Ja Rule .

This Morning .
Ironing Shirt . Done .
Father assumes I ironed my shirt on my bed . When I clearly use the iron board and he saw me getting it at that . Me being me . I milked his ass . Mother is in the bathroom just can't be quite and has to put her two cent in when clearly nobody wasn't even talking to her . Now she's making threats to sock me a few good times . I not longer have appetite . she rushes me when clearly I'm ready and she's still tossing and turn in the house . I go to the kitchen and get her car keys to start the car . I'm making my way outside the day .
Mother: You didn't see that I made you breakfast .
Me: No . I didn't . I didn't know you were made breakfast for me .
Mother: [Yelling] Your so ungrateful and you never appreciate anything . I didn't have to do this you know .
Me: [Yelling back .]How was I suppose to know? CLEARLY. I didn't see I thought it was for you . I didn't even ask you to make me breakfast but thank you .
I walk out the house and ahead to car and no I didn't take the so called breakfast that she made for me . I'm sitting in our driveway waiting on her to come out the house to drop me of at school . NOT ONE WORD spoken to each other .

2nd period . Teacher Assistance for Mr. Thomas . I open the door and walk in . Put back the pass where it belong . While in the process of doing that Lawrence Blesco decides it okay to bump into me on purpose .
Me : Lawrence DON'T FUCK WITH ME I'M NOT THE ONE .
Lawrence:[Laughing .]
Me: I'M NOT PLAYING WITH YOU! DON'T FUCK WITH ME .
Class:[in silence .]
BB: She is tooo brood .
Class :[staring at me in amazement and shock like oh shit damn .]

Before I had 196 credit complete .
Now I have a total of 236 credits and I only need 230 to graduate .
& 80 more credits will be added . A total of 317 credit is what I will be graduating with .

715 . Metro Rapid .
This African American has the must beastly looking fever blister on her lip like the size of a big ass zip in th middle someone's forehead .
Like damn put a dark shade of lip or something to cover it up .
Now she having a conservation with three other lady .
Fever blister is pregnant and hates her husband . Basically she trashing him saying that he get on her nerves & etc . etc . etc .
Look like someone should have thought about say "I DO" before tying the knot .

&& with all that being please do me a favor . Keep your personal life story off the metro I don't want to hear your story . Your trials and tribulations . Better yet just keep your legs closed and get you another man .

This week as been the worst overall . I hate my life and everything in or about it . I haven't eaten in 3 days . Everyday here at home just gets worse and worse . This is unhealthy . I don't what to do or say . I dont even know who I am anymore .

- - Lost .

Senior Pictures .

[Sorry . I Know It Blurry .]

Finally . Recieved . [MY] Senior Pictures . Today .

It's about god damn time . took long enough .

I honestly hate all my senior picture every last one of them . ugh .

Now I honestly regret taking them . Just a waste of her money .

Ugh . I hate my senior year . Can it be June already? I'm saying !

- -oh`nine .

Runnin` . The Game .

Today was just a day, I didnt want to go to school .

I hate everything possible about my senior year .

Now I absolutely have my mind made it .

I WILL NOT BE GOING TO PROM .

There really isn't any point of me going .

I know I'm not going to have a date .

No senior activites for me .

I have so much rage and anger built up inside .

I haven`t been able to let it all out .

But when I comes time be prepare for the worst .

Breaking Dishes . Kicking hole in hate wall . Riping everything off the wall .

It's me against the world . I have no one . I never will nor can depend on anyone on this planet .
I'm all alone in this world . without a love nor a care . My life is endanger . I don't have much time on this planet and time is ticking . every second . every minute . every hour .I need space . I must runaway immediately . I dont know when & where I'm going . Where ever my feet lead me I shall go .

- -Skid Road .

Many Men . 50 Cent .

mood: suicidal .

Now, she just made it home from work and already she making assumptions as to what I was doing in the house all day . She knows I was ont he computer all day and I didnt do shit and now I`m doing my homework as a cover up . She says she knows everything . I need to get a job and get the fuck out because she can`t wait for me to leave . She says i like to make her talk . How do i like to make her talk when I dont make her lips move ?

Back to square one all over again .
Instant replay .
Emotional breakdown all over again .
I havent`t been able to stop crying since yesterday. but i`m too busy trying to hide My feeling from the world .
Just talking and writing about it, is making me cry more right now everyday its something new.
I never feel good about myself and i have the lowest self esteem possible and self dobut along with being tht everyday i`m inflicted with someone`s words[MY PARENTS] . I feel as if i dont have anything to live for . I`m wasting time on earth being that i`m constantly reminded told everyday i`ll never amount to aanything in this world . the woman who brought me into this world says I have life easy . My life was never easy to being with . But she woulnt know that being I barricade myself in my room crying myself to sleep damn near every night or the fact tht i stare myself because i`m so depressed or stressed and i`m telling myself oh I think im anexoric. My life will never be easy . Life gets harder for me every second of each day I`ve lived to see . I go to sleep not wanting to wake up the next day . I ask myself all the time what the fuck do I do to decide all of this?
&& now my father just made it home and she the woman being my mother feels the need decides me some more . All eighteen years of my life have been hell and back .

For the last two years of it just continue to get worst and worst . idknow who && what to believe anymore .
mixed signals . iHAVE to runaway. just to clear my mind .
ugh . why are all guys are the same ?.
i just dont want to live anymore .
Once i`m gone i never in my life want to look back . No letter . No phone calls . No visits . No holiday . No nothing . I want to go far far away until i never see no tomorrow . The rest is still unwritten .

- - The Dream In Which Im Dying Are The Best I`ve Had .

Weight Lifted Off My Shoulders .

Today . I took the day off from school .
There was no point of me going .
Just would have been a wasted day .
Only the 1st 50 seniors get to go to Pepperdine . How is that benefiting all the seniors[me] to be exact in anyway. Naw dawg[in the words of Mr. Cain]
I needed a break . I'm overexhausted . && I'm home and I'm still handling my business[homework] . I never know when to stop .& this is only the beginning . Can't stop . Won't stop .This is a life or death situation and my future depends on this all .

276 credits . overall is what I will graduate with .
230 credits . required to graduate .
196 credits . completed .
34 credits . need to graduate[finish all in 1st semester .]
31 units . complete in college .
GPA 3.1 overall . not good enough. has & needs to get better .

1st progress report . GPA 3.8 . That isn't good enough for me & plus i'm missing a class on there. Should be a 4.0

4 year scholarship .

Yale . Columbia . Harvard . Princeton .

Is There Any Hope For Me In This World?

Chucks . Hanes Sweats. Love Pink Hoodie .
Just another bummed out day for me .
Came home early .
Lately, I feel things haven't been right with myself .
Lately I've really lonely .
I dont know how to go about that or how to approach this .
Another thing . Today I was going one of Mr. Cain's homework assignment[college assignment] .
&& I read that at Harvard University if student's parents earn less than $40,0000 a year, tuition . So, I decide to ask my mother how much she makes a year and I thought to myself maybe you know I could have a chance to get into Harvard . Freeze . Here comes my mother making her statement. . .
Mother: Whose going to pay for you to go there?
Mother: How are you going to make it?

Mother: You won't survive outside of California .

Mothr: As so as you go out there, you'll be back here in no time .
Mother: Why apply when you dont have money to go ?
Me: Okay Mom! Stop!. I dont want to talk about it anymore. I dont want to argue with you .
Mother:[Continues]
Me: Go back in the kitchen and cook and I dont want to discuss this anymore .
I just hate the fact that my own parents shoot down my dreams .

I feel as if when comments are made by my own parents towards my future in getting my education is never anything positive its always negative . I have to continue and try to get up my guard and try to do me the best way possible . If this doesnt work I don't know what will . My last resort . Suicide .


- - The Worst Is Yet To Come .

I Wish For My Days To Be As Today .

Happy 18th Birthday Daylon Polk .

I 1st met him doing the summer of 2oo6 at my 1st summer job . && ever since then we`ve been friends . He`s hella cool, laid back, understanding, && one of the most easy person to talk to . He`s a basketball & video game addict . His laugh is contagious lol . He`s hilarious . He`s like to [throw] things [at me] . uh huh . lol . Have the best 18th birthday ever . Live it up . Enjoy every min . sec . & hrs of you day . love ya .

Los Angeles, Ca .
Church .
Homecoming Sunday .

Westchester, Ca .
Bunch at Truxton with Mr. Jones.
Virgin Margarita with Green Thai Shrimp Pasta .

Leimert Park, Ca .
Jack & Jill College Fair .
Me:[Serious look on my face] .
Bernard Parks: Smile [he hugs me]

Baldwin Hills, Ca .
Surprise visit to best friend house .
Drop off information from collge fair for her .

&& now i`m home . blogging this blog via sidekick . && this is it . The End .

-Splendid .

One Saturday Night Function .

1st of all I didnt even want to go to this party . I only went to this party because my sister wanted me to go .
Location: Gardena, California .
On 140 & Budlong .
Time: 8:oo-12:3o
Brejone, Trinikia , Arrick`s Birthday .

A pretty good crowd .
Even people you would never expect to be at a function was there .
As soon as I got there I sat my back ass down . I wasn`t dancing one bit . I dont know how to dance .

I have to say . goddamn there was some fine ass niggas[a group of them in particular keep on staring at me like they wanted to say something to me] .

Everybody say the party "jerked" .
Hmm . Okay . You take there word for it and not mines . Anyhoebagway .

This is what exactly happened all throughout the night of the party:
1st announcement made by her mother no one is getting into the party we are over occupany .
2nd announcement made by her mother if i caught another bottled in someone pocket this party will be over .
3rd announcement made by her mom the party will now be over at 11:30 .
4th-5th announcement made by the dj whtever the person name is your momma`s her to come get you hurry so I can play this next song .
6th announcement made by the dj no dancing on the pole because the shit will break down.
7th announcement made by the dj now you know your pregnant ass dont need to be dancing
8th announcement made made by the dj i`m putting niggas on blast tonight .
9th announcement made by the dj make sure when you get home your sweaty ass take a shower .
10th announcement made by the dj and her mother the party is over . The time the party end was at 11:o3pm .

Niggas got pepper`d sprayed .
Niggas had a bitch fit because they couldnt get into to the party and decide to make threats that they were going to jump the fence and whtever else night .

I`m too older to function with people younger or the same age as me . They dont know how to go somewhere and have fun and not fuck shit up . I`m on my grown woman status . I only deal with over 18 and older that now how to conduct themselves and be civil.


-Never No More .

My Eyes Never Lie .

The softer side of me .
7:30pm . I recieved a aim . Finally . Someone`s back . Thank god . Right now . I`m at the Inglewood vs Culver City Football game the score is now 13-23 Inglewood is in the lead . Lets hope its stays that way and they win . Final score 28-36 Inglewood WINS . As usual the reason why I dont go to games and function afterwards people want be extra`d a shit . Grow the fuck up . Always . During halftime he saw me and looked at me and after the game when they were about to leave he gave me a hug . He actually a little cutie pie . He has a nice smile . The night was bomb . PS Culver City has some brood bomb boys . Sexyyyy babyyy .
DiRTvon: Hello I was wondering if I could have ur iicon pic
------------- October 17, 2008 9:17 pm ------------
Me: who is this ?
DiRTvon: Omgee u deleted my aiim ffasshooo
Me: Lol.
Me: I`m just messing with you .
Me: No i didnt deleted your aim .
DiRTvon: I was about 2 say
Me: You was about to say wht?
DiRTvon: I was going 2 say anything
DiRTvon: I would have been quiet
Me: I mean .
Me: You never hit me up .
Me: Once in a full blue moon you`ll hit me up .
DiRTvon: I know I know
DiRTvon: Forgive me for that
Me: I just wanted to see wht your reaction was going to be .
DiRTvon: O okay
DiRTvon: I see
DiRTvon: Well would u send me ur icon
DiRTvon: Nd how have yah been anywayz
Me: Why should I send you my icon?
zina deux couvee: For wht?
DiRTvon: Because ur a niice person
Me: You have a wifey ?
To Be Continued .
-Thristyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Question ?

Thoughts .
Thinking .
Flashback .
One day . Conservation at school with Mr. Cain .
He asked . Mr Cain: When`s the last time you told your mother you love her ?
Me:[No Response] .
The three letter word .
I haven`t use it "that" days, weeks , or months .
It`s so bad, those words don`t have any existence to me .
Is it because idk what "love" really is?
Will I ever find it or will it find me?

-To Be Continued .

_What's Love?

Rapidly Running .

Today .

School .

Just a wasted day .

I should have just stayed home .

Made it home at 12noon .

Slept .

Lately I have alot of my mind .

Right now, I'm not so worried as I was last night .

I recieved more word today .

I hate that this friend has to be in the situation .

I pray to god things will get better && I'll be here every step of the way .

I pray to see this friend very very soon and this life learned lesson .

- - Life .

Jokeeeeees .

School was cool fritos .
After-school .
Waiting on my ride .
Walking with Chris .

"I see a certain "someone ."

Exhibit A .

Ewww. It's Ronnie .

He looking dead at me while I stand far away as possible .

Ronnie: Excuse me .

Ronnie: Can you come here?

Me: Who me?

Me: I knw your not talking to me[looking around to see if he`s talking to someone else]

Me: No, I don`t want to talk to you .

Ronnie : Please come here . Let me talk to you .

Ari: [Laughing ]Me: What ?.

Ronnie: I`m from [banging language]
[&& note i'm really not listening]

[He looks at my nails.]
Ronnie: Is that chanel?
Me: & Ari: [Laughing . ]

Me: Yeaa .

Ronnie: [saying to his friend and pointing me out .]
Ronnie: She can`t even look at me .
[he's friends observes]

Ronnie: You can`t even look at me .

Me: What is there for me to look at?[He says nothing more and I walk away .]

Like wtf . You see my all the time when I`m around . What made this time different to you that you had to tell me who you were when I already know who you are . Wtfawwwwwk! . Get a Grip & A LIFE!.

- - Rolling[kay] On Everything .

Happy 4th Birthday Simone Joi Webster .

Who: Simone Joi Webster .
What: The Birthday Girl .

When: October 13, 2004 .

Where:Born, in Northridge, California [valley girl].

She's my niece . She is my pride and joy . iLOVEHer to death . She is the little sister I've never had and the child I will never have . lol . She's makes me proud to be her auntie. She was born before her time, that's how intelligent she is for her age. I love how she harasses me and vice versa . I love how we chase each other around the house and play hide and seek . I love when she dances . I love when she askes me what wrong when I'm sad. I love when she calls me Auntie Zina. I love it she she kisses me and say I love you Auntie Zina . I love our arguments .

I love our conservations .
Example .

Simone: Auntie Zina, look at my booty .
Me:[I look up and she literally moons me]
Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhaha[Dying laughing]
Simone: Hehehehehehehehehehe .

I'm truly blessed to have her in my life .
I love you .
Happy Birthday Monie!

Love .

Auntie Zina .

Slideshow . T. I . Feat . John Legend

Verse 1 (T.I.)
Ey , when I think about all my time and all my struggle
Through all my grindin' and all my troubles
When I came out from nothin' , all I had was a hustle
With a blindfold tryin' to find pieces to the puzzle, no muzzle
I tell it like it is, that's that, write a road, I'mma call it how I see it
Don't forget that impossible is nothin', you're a fine mis irrelevant(?)
Just don't let your emotions over power your intelligent
Refuse to give up, your mistakes will define you
Down dictate where you headin', then remind you
That time keeps tickin', let your mind keep clickin'
Never stop thinkin', be aware of your decision
Everywhere the collisions
And the potholes hiddin' in the road that you travel on your lifelong mission
Just listen everyday like a snap shot is taken, if you live you could learn to just be patient

Chorus (John Legend)
'Cause life is like a slide show
And all the places I go
And all the things that I know
Through all the hides alone
'Cause life is like a slide show
And all the things that I've seen
And all the things that I dream
You can't take away from me
'Cause life is like a slide show

Verse 2 (T.I.)
'Cause when I look back at a fly young cat
Who could rap with a dream, look where I took that
Beginning on bankhead, then I spread out
Vision in my head, all I had to do is to get it out
When I walked out of my house, and look at my street
All I see is the opportunity that lead me to join seat(?)
I ain't really have a roll model to enforce me
Uncle who...?
As a juvenile count cases so florally look at my life and learn from it, don't do it
If I only knew back then what I know now, how much better life it would have been if I slowed down
Maybe I have been Kanye, instead of seeing gunplay
But god got a plan, I'll understand one day,
one day of life like a snap shot is taken,
if you live you could learn to just be patient

Chorus (John Legend)
'Cause life is like a slide show
And all the places I go
And all the things that I know
Through all the hides alone
'Cause life is like a slide show
And all the things that I've seen
And all the things that I dream
You can't take away from me
'Cause life is like a slide show (3x)
'Cause I see, cause I dream, life is like a slideshow

Inspired .

Right now, I just so happen to be on my old aim which I still you on a everyday bases and one person in particular away message caught my attention .
Her away said http://tantiibee.blogspot.com/ .
I click the link and decide to read. This is her very 1st blog .
I was very astonished my name was written there . I was one of the reason she started a blogspot.
I`m very honored .
Thank You Very Much Tantii=]!.

This Is The Movement .

- I Am The Trendsetter .

Rumbling .

24 hours. 1 day . me no habla .
I`m sitting here on my bed & a few things came across my mind .

For one . Honestly, just when you think I care , I really don`t give two funky fucks.

Idgaf about how? & the five w`s
who? what? when? where? why?

Listening with no words
or
just not even responding .
You go here or there or do this or that and etc . Then what the fuck are you telling me if I can`t go or do the same shit . Save it for something who actually gives a fuck .

Two . I don`t have time for no fucking games. My time is way too valuable and precious to be wasted. So save the bullshit for someone else . Generally applies to niggers .

Three . I hate when grown-ups much older than me try to convince me or tell what field or major I need to go in . I dont want to go in the medical field . I dont know how many times I`m going to have to say that or repeat myself . I hate science and math and i`m not trying to spend my whole life in medical school . Stop trying to plan out my career and future for me .

Four . A four letter word .
I honestly really dont understand the really meaning of this four letter word especially being that for one I dont even love myself . I know for one there is a difference between being [in] love and just loving a person . What is love ?

. . .To be continued .

back & forth .

X . X . MMVIII .

Just another bummed out day for me .

No shirt . Aero hoodie . Seven for all mankind . Gladitors .

Home by 11ish .

Just to get a early start on affairs .

Finished up laundry .

Cleaned up && changed my bedroom around.

Increase the peace .

Ugh . I have writersblock . once again . another day. damnit .

Damn these pigs[the police] is shit on everybody .

I say about 100 tickets tops given this whole week just for doing a California roll && still in progress .

Well is been a bumpy week for me . Stress was the main course of it all of course . Battles with school and home is a everyday process . Just my life for you .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .Until Manana

Burgular Bars .

FCUK . I have writersblock .

I need to write a descriptive essay for cain on a dream or a nightmare need to find the best way to begin my introduction .

My dream/nightmare is on a car accident .

Any suggestion ?
For once , I dont have anything to write about . The day started off on a bad note being that I forgot cain`s college map . But I did it over again . tummy ache . Overall the day was just average . I say for the must part i have some very support classmates[my seniors]minus the one`s that just aren`t in existence to me . Just another weekend for chores and homework . Like every weekend .

Just great[sarcastic voice] .

_TwoForTwo .

Progress .

Emotional Rollercoaster .

Now today was a day I just didn't want wake up to see .
One of the most challenging days .
I was a moodring today .
I feared for the worst in myself .
This morning I didnt do so bad .

Section One . Sailing was kinda bumpy but I made it .
Section Two . The breakdown . The never ending fight with myself . In and out .
This is a life or death situation . Failure is never a option for me .
No prediction . I dont want to jixs myself .
I have to pray for the best and ask him to restore to me because this has put a hold on my life and a toll along with it .

Today . BB . Grace . Andrielle . Chris Breaux . Thank You . Isn't even enough .

-I think I can . No, I Know I CAN .

R o a d T o Z i o n. by Damian "Jr Gong" Marley Feat Nas .

Now . . .I'm Home . Received A Instant Message[AIM] .

Today I had a conversation with a best friend of mines .

Now she asked me what's wrong .

I told her .

Now I have some shit I need to get off my chest .

For one . I hate explaining myself especially when I don't want . I dont want to be a burden or a bother to anyone .

The easiest thing to someone else maybe or just is the hardest thing for me.

I hate when people try to make things sound easy being that it was just a easy breeze or smooth sailing for them or pass with flying colors .

But once, have you ever thought what if you had to be in the same position or situation i'm in now? No you haven't being that you have things easy .

Things are easier said than done .

-To Be Continued

The woman I call my mother .

Just comes home from work .

Not even two seconds .

&& already regulating .

I'm listening now . Not saying a word. Taking everything in .

The Woman That Gave Birth To Me . Her Exact Words . Word For Word.

Mother: If you don't like it pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house .

Mother: I don't want you here .

Mother: Everyone gives you so much praise .

Mother: To see you is to know you .

Mother: Your one of the most obnoxious person ever.

Mother: Your additude stinks.

Mother: Aint nobody fell and lefted you no damn will.

Mother: I don't give a shit .

Mother: You think your in charge of me . I'll show you whose in charge .

wait .she has paused . i'm still waiting for her to continue .

I'll be in my room with door locked.

doing homework .

i-pod in ears .

-You Stay Out My Way .

&& I'll Definitely Stay Out Your Way .

Losing My Way .

Song: Losing My Way by Justin Timberlake .
Spill water on the floor this morning .
Here we go, here we go again .
Didn't eat breakfast .
Mother gave me food . I refused . But she demands .
I didnt want to eat .
But I had to force myself .
All day I cried . Non-stop . Stressed . Worried . The Whole Nine. I dont want to woke and live to see manana .

School is over . worried & thinking of missing two or three buses .Too late . Bus pulls up . Just perfect . Not over crowded with chestnut students .

So Justin from the show Baldwin Hills decides to be up at Inglewood High School after school .

For what reason ? Idk. I've seen your face enough on tv during the 2nd season of Baldwin Hills althoughtout the summer, doesnt mean I want to see your pretyy little face in the streets .

Bus driver makes sure that people get off at the stop before where Inglewood Students.

The bus driver doesnt stop because they were smoking weed on her bus .

Just perfect . && she was damn sure serious . She passed all of there ass up while they said "ahhhhhhhhh". Deuces .

Lord, let her be my bus driver everyday when I have to stay at school for 6th period . lol

Made it home 3:20pm .

The phone is ringing at it my dad is calling . I let the phone ring and dont pick up .

Now my mom is calling from work . Do I pick up? No, thats a negative .

Leave a message .

-Two Snaps .

[Snap , Snap .]

The Outcast .

Song: Long Way To Go by Gwen Stefani Feat . Andre 3000

All my life.
I have and will always be the outcast .
I dont need a label or a title just to fit in with the in crowd .
The clothes do make you . You make the clothes .
I like to be defined as different because that's exactly what I am .

with cold looks & bad talk come .

New brand . I have them here and there .
Weaves . Braid only .Never glued or sew one in .
Functions. Never been to one . No Neckbrack Ent . No Lavish Ent . No Access . No Nada.
Parties . May 2008 . Tyja`s Sweet 16 .
Kickback . 1st one . Summer `o8 . In august .
Theme Parks . Disneyland on August 26. 2008 .

The Movies .Last movie I saw was :This Christmas . Thanksgiving 2007.
School Events . Never been to one or done one .
Etc.

-B .a .n .a .n .a .s .

Day 25 .

Image of My Day .

The Labels .
Gap long sleeve top .
Victoria Secret .
-dream angels desire angel mist && lotion .
-laced .
Gray Skinny Jean .
Sam Edelman Flats.
Forever 21 ring.
For :
Senior Pictures.
Cap & Gown .
Fur .

-Class of two-thousand & nine .

The End .

At this point .
I don't care anymore . Here is where I want to take my last breathe . I don't deserve this . But life was never fair . The cuts . The bruises. The scars . I'm at a lost for words .

To Be Continued . . .

-Never N0 More .