Fatherly Advice

So my second father, texted me today.

Funny thing about it is, I just so happen to be wondering how he was.

So he called me & we caught up with each other.

Now after we go off the open, I was eager for some advice as to how I been feeling since last monday.

Here's our conversation.

You didn't let go the 1st time. You set it to the side. Much of it comes from your peace w| u & because you are not happy w| where you are. You will gravitate to ephemeral things to give u momentary happiness. The more complete you become w| your own path, you start to drift away from people who don't deserve your time or who are not on your level. You will stoop low if ur unhappy because u will feel ashamed & feel u don't deserve anything better.

I replied

You didnt know what with him

Lmfao. No I didn't

Good. If you would have, you would be so sprung right now. you need to work on you. Any man that wants to be with you right now has to have the mindset of moving you forward. If they are cool with you being where you are, then they are wrong for you.

I replied

Relationships work when one is pulling the other & the other is pushing. They take turns doing this. If you get with someone who is okay with you being mentally, physically, financially, and spiritually in the place where you are not working to advancing you or having you advance them, then they are far behind your vision. Put yourself around like minded people. you want to go to college. you hang around people who are in college, went to college, work at a college and or doing everything to get to one.

I replied.

You were never over him. You need to admit that so you can move forward.

I replied.

Welcome to the wonderful world of life & love.

My Relationship

Every now & then, I've been asked "Why aren't you in a relationship?"

Well, one of the reasons I'm not currently in a relationship because I feel as if I'm not ready.

Sometimes, I find myself asking "when will I ever be ready and how will I know?"

But the real reason I am not or have never been in a serious relationship is for the simple fact that I haven't found nor come across anyone who is actually worthy. I mean don't get my wrong, I have been asked out before, but I knew it was for all the wrong reasons. Now I have to admit, when I was younger I was so eager being that I always felt like the outcast because majority of my friends were dating. While observing at that point & time from the sideline I realize maybe this isnt something I'm not just cut out for just yet. But now a days, I just sit back & wait for whatever comes my way. I believe if a man really wants something, he will work hard to do whatever it take to get what he wants.

Looking Back

Have you ever look back & wonder. . .

Why did I even consider giving this person my time?

I mean everyone deserves a chance but I feel it was a waste of time, especially since talk is cheap.

But for the most part, I can say, it was definitely a learning experience.

I've been going strong since September 30, 2009

Maybe it was God just telling me this isn't the right person for you.

"Please Answer Questions From One, Two, Three."

Now, all this week, I've find myself every & then thinking about "him" & I don't even know why to begin with.

I know deep down inside I know I shouldn't be thinking about "him",especially when I know for a fact that "he isn't thinking about me." But then again, I also find myself what was he reasoning for approaching me? Was it just an excuse or plot? It's shit like this that makes me go back to having mixed emotions. However, I believe deep down inside, the feelings aren't mutual. I truly,don't even know what to believe anymore. I went 7 months strong without any type of communication. Although, we'd occasionally bump into each other, sometimes a hello, (& afterward, I ask myself "Zina what the fuck are you doing?") Other times I wouldn't say a word with little eye contact. For reason, this is exactly why I alway keep my guard up. I understand you can't allow your past to effect your future. In conclusion if you are of my past, I feel you need to stay there & NOT try to prosper in my future. If you things didn't work out before, between us, than what makes you think things will better now?

Unless you can prove me W R O N G!

Father & Daughter.

I've been blessed to have my father in my life since born up until NOW.

However, it's never easy to sit down with your own parents & have a civil conservation about how your feeling because, we instantly think they won't understand or just don't have time for you. Therefore, I will just keep everything bottled in until, I can't take it anymore.

But after one of my seconds father Charles Michael Cain sent me a text message, he really had me thinking.

I explained to him what I've been going dealing with my grandma fighting for her life & how I'm feeling & dealing with the situation.

He said "I told you a month ago...You have homes & places to go. You don't do well sitting still or in the same place. You don't do well holding things in either. You & I both know that, you swell w| emotions & your not sure how to channel it. I am here Zina. I don't have solutions, but I have ears to listen."

I replied.

He said "But that is not working for you. I don't like my children suffering, especially by their own hands and even more especially when they are (or feel) alone. You are my daughter Zina & my love for is not temporary or sometime thing. You don't need to feel alone or like you have to be somewhere off in a corner w| your struggles. Us the love around you to move gracefully thru turmoil & sadness. You have goals to achieve & we can not achieve them if we are distancing ourselves from the things that support and inspire us."

I replied.

He said "I'll say this: That is what you normally do and see how it is making you feel if you don't like that feeling, then its time to do something new."

Thinking . . .

It's time for me to branch out, because if I continue to go at the rate that I am going now, it isn't going to make the situation any better. I need to find a different approach to deal with certain situations. I'm not saying it going to be easy, but it will take sometime. I have a great support system, that I need to use my resource & not neglect them.

Lil' Wayne - Single

Courtesy to Doppie.

After I saw this video & hear the sing.

Made me think. . .DAMN! Story of My Life.

Standby Surprise

So, I made it home yesterday after being away for about three days.

Today, seem to be just a regular ordinary day, but was until I was hit by surprise.

I came home from school & immediately went to sleep afterwards.

Just when I woke up, I rolled over & saw that someone had sent me a text message,

assuming I already know who it was, I was wrong.

I didn't recognize the number, however the number did look very familiar

but I couldn't make out so I had to ask who it was.

O H M Y G O D!

I couldn't believe it, I was shocked.

expect the unexpected, this was definitely a surprise.

Mr. Eleven. Nineteen. Two-Thousand & Eight.

little did he know, he passed his test, if you catch my drift!

Now, I have to admit, in the past, thing seemed wonderful, but things never stay the same afterwards. I have to admit, a part of me was hurting because I felt like, I was living in sin. But then, I came to the conclusion, just common mistakes, I can't take back but I must learn from them.

& the amazing thing about it is, ever since the new year has started,

I have slowly but surely learn how to let certain people & certain situations GO.

I needed to do this in order to grew more a person.

It's better to FORGIVE, in order to move forward, but you don't have to FORGET.

For some reason, today just seemed to be the spare of the moment.

Like I always say: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

Life After Death

I know something isn't right.

There are nights where I find myself

waking up out of my sleeping screaming.

I feel like someone is out to get kill me, which means me think, is this the way I'm going to die.

But, the weird thing is, its not like I was dreaming or having a nightmare.

I wonder if god or someone that has dead is trying to tell me something.

Only time will tell.

Photo Of The Day

Erykah Badu & Q Tip

Two of My Favorite Artist

Drizzy TV

So I just finishing watching DRAKE on Ustream

He had over 2,000 views tonight.

Album: Thank Me Later

Set to Release: June 15, 2010

He just finishing shooting the second video in Jamaica for his new song: Find Your Love

There will be about 15-16 songs on the album

Look out for that Free Weezy Freestyle

Candy Slice - My Chick Bad Remix [Glee Edition]

Candy Slice look them up on youtube, they are so hilarious.

Talent Of The Day

Usher - OMG (violin version)

New Music Video: Drake - Over

The moment we've all been waiting for has finally arrived

directed by Anthony Mandler

leading lady: Rita Ora

Drake's album Thank Me Later hits stores June 15th

and he's headed to Jamaica today to shoot the video for his second single!

Ignorance.

So right now I just witnessed a group of six men (african american),

one graffiti up the wall my neighbor's wall while the other five encourage him.

It's ridiculous, damn near that my neighbor has to pain her wall over every month to cover it up.

It's 2010, if your still gangbanging its obvious you have nothing better to do with your life

& your simply just a waste of sperm & dead skin.

Bullshit

This week Monday, I find it a little funny how someone surprisingly hit me up.

Note, tho he was mad at me because of what I say, so I kept my distance.

Then, he has the nerve to ask me if I have a boyfriend.

Why does it matter if I do or don't?

But, since you've seen with your two eyes, that my away message said I was on the date with someone the other day.

Sweetie, your staring a little be to hard to be all up in my shit.

Now yesterday, I get a hit up from someone, whose screen name I don't recognize.

But then, I thought, okay I have a feeling who this could be.

As soon as he said his name it was a wrap. what a god damn surprise.

I asked him, so what made you hit me up today of all day.

Him:"I missed you."

Me: dying laughing.

My nigga are you serious (vixen moment)?

Spare me with that simp ass bullshit.

I don't believe that shit for one bit.

Seriously, does it look like I have dumb written across my forehead.

Trust & believe, I sure as hell wasn't thinking about you nor did I miss you .

Freaky Wild Out Wednesday

New Music

Listen Here First

by

FSC - "Freaky"

DOWNLOAD NOW!

http://j.mp/clZeb9

Follow FSC on Twitter

@themFSCrappers

@traceRaps_FSC

@martymcshy

@ Luck_dgaf

@Shulathegreat

Fabolous: "I'm Raw" Music Video

So, my friend had me hook on this song ever since he made me download the mixtape to for him .

Sickest Beatboxer

Hard(Acapella). NOT THE ORIGINAL BEAT. Just him straight beatboxing is own beat.

Wanda Skyes Spoof of Erykah Badu's Window Seat Music Video

down right hilarious!

Boondocks Season Three

I can't wait until May 2nd.

I'm so happy, the wait has been way to long.

Here is a little season trailer of season three.

Enjoy

Gucci Sigrid Evening Bag

-Black Patent Leather

-Nickel Hardware

-Snap Closure

-Inside Mirror & Pocket

-Cotton Linen Lining

-13.8"L x 1"W x 6.3"H

$595

Ipad

I can actually say, its pretty dope.

I only wish it had a built in camera .

But its amazing how the ipad is cheaper than a macbook & that's with tax & everything else included.

Happy Easter 2010

Mom & I

Everyone says we look like sisters, even when we're not dressed up.

Aunt Cookie & I

I love this woman so much!

Dad & I

what can I say, I be stunting like my daddy. lol.

peep my shoes. lol.

Shannon & I

I love this woman beyond all measure, its so refresh to know I can always go to her for prayer.

Daughter & Mom

Breezy Cool Day