Farewell February .

Day 17 of TWENTY.

This month has definitely shown/taught me a lot hands on .

So here, a little sneak peek on my lesson learned. . .

lesson one- - ->Its amazing how, its my day & not one fucking person comes threw nor fall threw, nor even consideration to make up for another day. But when its someone elses day, most definitely, willing go the extra mile to do anything & everything for that person . However I'm always trying to please & make everybody happy.

What have I learned for this?

reality is truly no one gives a fuck .

lesson two - - - -> promises definitely wont kept.

what have I learned for this? Never believe anything, even when it sounds too good to be TRUE

.

February 2010, just wasnt my month & it was suppose to be .

But you know what, this month has taught this, just when you think you KNOW you have NO IDEA .

iLL Flashbacks.

Last night was the first time in a long time I found myself crying.

Now, just having this conservation everytime makes it hard for me to move forward.

I feel there is no way around this until I actually past this chapter.

I hate that I have to constantly be reminded or even have a discussion about it.

There is never a day that goes by where I don't think about this outcome.

What would my life be life today, if the things went the way I had plan or intended for them to be?

Would things still be the same or different?

I just hate the fact I feel like my life is hold because of this and at the same time, it makes me question for the last for years of my life why has be been putting me threw this struggle on purpose just to make suffer the consequences?

Birthday Analysis.

I know its been about two going on three weeks since I haven't blogged. Two weeks ago it was my 2Oth birthday & I have to say by far it was the WORST for so many reasons. I won’t go into too much detail but Aunt Diana. . .to the rescue, just for bunch & the day out.

However, in my honest opinion, I believe promises were NOT kept & it doesn't matter who, what, when, where, why or how but whenever my birthday comes around every single year, NEVER, I repeat NEVER EVER do things fall threw the way I want or would like for them to be. Therefore I always end up having to cancel my plans so I wont have to deal the harsh reality of rejection(being flaked on like I always am) . It never seems to fail, now does it . I’m not expecting, begging nor demanding but its amazing how I will go all out my way for a person/people but when it all comes down to me, this just goes to show, in the end no one gives a fuck. Especially when I know I am not the type of person to ask for much.

But for the most part, I will say this, I am thankful to have lived to see my 2Oth birthday & for all the birthday wishes(thank you to every single last person so wished me HB). Now its just a matter of living this 2Oth year for 365 days.

“Just the one day out of every year, I definitely agree know what to expect, no need to expect the unexpected”

Happy Last Day of My Teens

Today ; last day as a teenager

I must say 19 was definitely as experience.

I had to say out of my teen years ; nineteen - - -> u n t h i n k a b l e .

Yes, I faced my ups & downs, the good & bad but threw it all I made it.

It's still hard for me to believe I will be TWENTY in the next few hours.

But I am ready to live out prosper with god's grace.

its been fun & its been real but. . .

Farewell NINETEEN.

Super Bowl XLIV

Unlike everyone else, I DID NOT jump on the bandwagon. I know alot of people were expecting the Colts to win. However, this was one year, I didn’t care what team would win the superbowl. However I’m glad the Saints one begin that this is there first superbowl win, Reggie Bush a USC grad & for all the people who survived & overcame Hurricane Katrina . Congrats New Orleans Saints!

Happy 19th Birthday Victoria .

This year makes SEVEN years we’ve been best friend . Saturday night , trust & believe this goes down & history . I’m not going to write a full paragraph, so here are some words that will some up the night .

Surprise !

Boodaddy !

Boyfriend !

Oh I Can’t Believe it! Life of the Party! Blame it on the alllcohol!

Puerto Ricans . Panamanian . Hondurans .

Jealously . Insecurity . Cocky . New Friends .

Party, Party, Let Get Wasted! Party Pooper! Tipsy . Oh What A Night!

The Reminder

I know she means well, but when I tell you I don’t want to talk about the situation, clearly I don’t want to have a discussion about. But the more she continues to bring the situation to my attention I feel the anger & frustration beginning to grow within me, of this ill flashbacks. I’ve been battling with this situation for the last four years of my life . Now when I constantly have to be reminded of the whole situation, it brings me to a point where I feel like I don’t have a purpose to live or even succeed in life. Now I continue to ask god, when will I see that five letter word, so this can be all over & done with . I’m a firm believer in GOD, its just what did I do to deserve this . Is this a sign that I won’t be destined for greatness?

My Status .

So my friend, Diana Torres who I have known since elementary school up until now we’re playing catching up with each other tonight & guess what? Neither Diana nor I have NOT been a serious relationship since we have knew each other which is practically damn near all our lives.

I can honestly say, It feels goods to know that I’m not the only one.  I mean during the course of my life I have been ask to be in a relationship with someone I have known all my life, however I knew it was for all the wrong reasons. I can only imagine how the outcome would have been if I had made that decision to be in a relationship with this person I have known all my life.

However I always think “what if”. The pros & cons. The consequences & the outcome. With every possible person I have thought to actually give a chance somewhere down the line I just couldn’t see happening especially since I knew it wasn’t going to last in the long run. In result of this, this is exactly why I keep my guard up from saving myself from being hurt or even mistreated. I’m not a picky girl, however I know what I want, & I know I want the BEST for myself & the person I decide to make a commitment with .

For instance, I currently like someone, however I didn’t choice the normal route, that I usually would use.  But I know better than to get my hopes all up like I normally would. Fact of the matter is who knows if he feels the same way about me. My biggest fear is my time, which makes me question & I really wasting my time. Therefore, this is why I always keep my opinions open because there was never any agreements along the lines to even begin with. With this being said I always tell myself I’m not ready for a relationship. But when will I ever be ready? 

II.II.MMX

Day 2 ; Handling Business .

Baldwin Hills

Fox Hills Mall ; saw rapper ; The Game & his son (he’s so cute)

Fairfax Bound ; Cousin Raven & Ian House . Jack N’ Jill’s Too Restaurant (first time eating there, but it won’t be my late)

Overall the second date in February ; splendid  .

11even +( 9ine) = TWENTY .

II.I.MMX

First things first, handle my business . I decided to try this again, so I was trying to make a appointment however there are new regulations . As soon as I heard those words, I had a feeling thing were going to be a little different this time around . I have to admit when I walk out of those doors, I grew with frustration asking myself when will this ever end . However, I wasn’t negative about the situation . I have to have hope for anything outcome . But anyways I received my second scholarship, saving it until I find what I need . Finally my craving has been satisfied ; IN-N-OUT! Man, I had been craving it for weeks & I finally got it, lol .

Now, I’ve made it back home & I fall asleep, so when I woke up, I saw I had a new text message from my new friend . He asked me what I was doing this weekend, I stated that I didn’t have anything planned . However I still don’t know what I’m doing for my birthday . He ask, “you still havent came up with anything”. I say “no because, I don’t know if my best friend is still coming down here for my birthday/weekend” . He says “ask her to make sure if not plan something else” . I say, “I will but the only thing is I don’t how I’m going to get where I wanna go” . He says “I’ll take you so need to worry”. I began to blush because this is exactly what I had wished for to spend my birthday with someone special, which I tell him. He says “Awwww thats cute too cute=). . . .well we can spend time before during and after your birthday ”. I think this is too go to be true . I say “I like the sound of that, honestly I’m not a picky girl & it doesn’t really matter we go because all I would like is just to spend time you when its all said at the end of the day”. He says “I like alot” .

I’m a little excited, however I’m not getting my hopes all up like I normally do because things usually backfire when I do so . So let’s see if he’s really a man of his word .

Happy Black History Month

The remembrance originated in 1926 by historian Carter G. Woodson as "Negro History Week". Woodson chose the second week of February because it marked the birthdays of two Americans who greatly influenced the lives and social condition of African Americans : former President Abraham Lincoln and abolitionist and former slave Frederick Douglass. Woodson also founded the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History, now the Association for the Study of African American Life and History.

Happy February

I have been anticipating this month since last year, but now that its finally here, I’m like damn reality is really settle in.

I will be TWENTY years old, which is still very hard for me to believe. Damn, I’m getting old. I will live out my life adventures for a second decade on this earth with god willing .

I still have no clue or idea what I am doing for my day, especially since my girls aren’t here to celebrate with me . However I definitely know one thing that I really want for my birthday ( to be with this special someone, that I have in mind, lol).

The only thing is I’m afraid & even nervous that Feb. will not be my month although I would like for it to be . I’m just going to have to pray on the outcome .