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Home.
In DEEP Thoughts.
Mood: Emo
Song: Take Me As I Am by Mary J. Blige.
I have this secret.The truth is, I think I am anorexic.
Lately, For the past couple of days and weeks, I haven't been eating. I stave myself either when I'm stressed, worried, frustrated or depressed. Sometime, I'll be hungry but I won't have a appetite. Some days, I'll only eat one meal & some days I just won't bother to eat at all. A day would be like I haven't eating anything, & have this aching pain[not cramps] til I was want to bundle up and roll on the floor, & I feels as if I want to threw up but I can't. I'll feel this pain, I just don't know how to describe it. It's difficult, kinda hard to explain. . This isn't just for kicks. I'm not doing this on perhaps. This all began last year of my junior year in high school, every night crying myself to sleep, from even attempting numrous times to drown myself or just wanting to kill myself just to ease the pain away. But it look like things are getting worst this year. School is one of the causes and the reason for this. I also feel as apart of this my parents are another reason as well. I have so much pressure pushed. From being hassled on a everyday bases. I feel as if I will never amount to anything, if it isn't up to their standards or morals. I question myself, it this my easy way of life? I've honestly and truly have come to realization that, I could be anorexic. Are these the symptoms? or could I just be hallucination?. I don't have this fear of death anymore. I can't run or hide from this. I chose to live everyday as my last, because tomorrow is never promised. I dont want anyone to worry about me. && I definitely don't need anyone judging me for what this has made me to be or become. I dont need any negativity. If you dont have anything positive to say just refrain from saying anything at all. I may say I don't need help but just maybe, just maybe I really do need help. But I have to help myself first before others can help me.
In DEEP Thoughts.
Mood: Emo
Song: Take Me As I Am by Mary J. Blige.
I have this secret.The truth is, I think I am anorexic.
Lately, For the past couple of days and weeks, I haven't been eating. I stave myself either when I'm stressed, worried, frustrated or depressed. Sometime, I'll be hungry but I won't have a appetite. Some days, I'll only eat one meal & some days I just won't bother to eat at all. A day would be like I haven't eating anything, & have this aching pain[not cramps] til I was want to bundle up and roll on the floor, & I feels as if I want to threw up but I can't. I'll feel this pain, I just don't know how to describe it. It's difficult, kinda hard to explain. . This isn't just for kicks. I'm not doing this on perhaps. This all began last year of my junior year in high school, every night crying myself to sleep, from even attempting numrous times to drown myself or just wanting to kill myself just to ease the pain away. But it look like things are getting worst this year. School is one of the causes and the reason for this. I also feel as apart of this my parents are another reason as well. I have so much pressure pushed. From being hassled on a everyday bases. I feel as if I will never amount to anything, if it isn't up to their standards or morals. I question myself, it this my easy way of life? I've honestly and truly have come to realization that, I could be anorexic. Are these the symptoms? or could I just be hallucination?. I don't have this fear of death anymore. I can't run or hide from this. I chose to live everyday as my last, because tomorrow is never promised. I dont want anyone to worry about me. && I definitely don't need anyone judging me for what this has made me to be or become. I dont need any negativity. If you dont have anything positive to say just refrain from saying anything at all. I may say I don't need help but just maybe, just maybe I really do need help. But I have to help myself first before others can help me.
If I dont even LOVE or CARE about myself. . . Then Who Will.
To Be Continued.
-The Truth.
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